Big JezusAraucaria Heterophylla
Jezus (Araucaria heterophylla; "Norfolk Pine") is our fir with a saviour complex. Therefore He's a sustainable alternative to His sworn enemy: the demonic common Christmas tree. He is life eternal; thus do not throw Him out of the window after just one Christmas! Averse to painful thorns, His touch is nice and gentle since His needles are as soft as a lamb's wool. Do not be afraid; He is good with Cats and Children for all life is holy. Show Him to the light and He shall forgive you all your wrongdoing.